Parental Authority

By Zach and Seth Hein

Two brothers from St Louis, USA comment on how their attitude to parental authority developed.

Thoughts from Zach

Respecting authority wasn't my most renowned character trait as a kid growing up in St. Louis, Missouri. Let's just say that I gave my parents many opportunities to correct the way I saw authority! As a teenager in high school, I quickly discovered that authority comes in different shapes and sizes.

In my first year of high school I played the bass drum in a marching band. I was delegated to play the fourth bass drum which was the biggest. It weighed at least 50lbs and was incredibly smelly, and when you strapped it on it looked like you were pregnant with a sumo wrestler. Our section leader was a guy named Matt. He wasn't helpful, wasn't motivated and just plain didn't care! I often came home fuming about how stupid I thought Matt was. Regardless of how well-founded my assertions were, every time I complained my parents said that even though I didn't like what Matt was doing he was still in authority over me and I needed to respect him. When I didn't I was breaking down the band and causing more of a problem than I thought Matt was. I had a hard time overcoming this attitude, but when I became section leader I saw that respecting leadership is necessary if you want a united group that can accomplish goals.

We love you and are for you

When I was younger I must admit there were times when I was frustrated and angry with my parents. I remember one night they told me that they weren't going to let me go to a party. I was so angry and couldn't figure out why they were saying ‘no’. Then, right at the end of the conversation I remember my Mom saying, ‘Even though you might not understand Zach, we want you to know that we love you and we're for you.’

They often said this to me, but it wasn't until this particular time that God brought revelation about what those words meant. They were for me and only had my best interest in mind. If that were true then maybe, just maybe, it would be better if I didn’t go.

After I took hold of this truth I was able to learn and grow far more than I would have if I had continued to think that authority in my life was against me. This has been huge for me, especially now that I have moved away to Atlanta, Georgia. Even if I don't agree or understand something, I can still stand firm on the principle that authority is there for my good.

Thoughts from Seth

The biggest thing I remember about growing up was that my parents led by example, not only in big things but also in little things. After dinner we would all pitch in to help clean up. Zach and I were responsible for vacuuming the carpet and sweeping the kitchen, and Dad and Mom would clear the table and see to the dishes. At first glance this seems as normal as any family. But this caught my attention. Dad and Mom could have easily exercised their authority over us by making us do all the cleaning after dinner, but they didn’t. We had our example right in front of us: to serve as they served.

This didn’t stop at the dinner table. Countless times I have seen my parents give up their time to counsel couples in need, or to prepare a meal for a mother with a new child. They set the example for serving, which now makes it easier for me to serve others.

Authority with humility

Another area of authority they demonstrated memorably was that of humility. Though my Dad was a strong leader, he was not above admitting when he was wrong. Some years ago, I decided to grow my hair long, probably because I was too lazy to get it cut! Whatever the reason, I began to like my long hair, but Dad downright disliked it.

One day I vividly remember him telling me straight out to get a haircut. I told him bluntly that he had a bad attitude and should pray about it. Looking back on the situation now, had I been my Dad, I would have pulled out the scissors and chopped the long hair off right then and there! However he did not flex his authority in that way. He actually did take time to pray about it, and even though he never did come around to liking my hairstyle, he apologised for his attitude, respected that I liked it and showed me love and encouragement. I’m not saying that my Dad just gave in to me. He was a steadfast father and also excelled at giving discipline at appropriate times, but neither he nor my mother were above humility.

Jesus was the perfect example of authority in Scripture. Though he had all authority in heaven and on earth (Matt. 28:18) he didn’t lord it over us. He came as a servant, clothed in humility. Through everything he had our best in mind; a renewed relationship with the Father. It was this way that he displayed true authority, giving us the perfect example to follow.